Today I realized why I was getting frustrated. That is apart from the fact that my fridge died and I lost all my food and that my MS was flaring up. These explain the surface exasperation, but underneath there is something else. I don't know if others with MS feel this way, but I finally figured out that my identity and my imagination along with my dreams do not fit into the limitations that constrain my daily life. MS can feel like a straight jacket when I can't dig out the weeds, do things in the sun, keep running up and down the stairs to do laundry, go out at night, go shopping without a lot of effort. Not to mention the bigger dreams that I harbour. MS keeps making me feel like I am not 'me'.
I think there is an appropriate anger with all this and I like to think that God doesn't like it either. It just isn't the way things should be. But as I write I am pricked with the memory of moments when the limitations have brought relief. When I am let off the hook and find others jumping in to help me out. But MS just doesn't fit right, like a pair of jeans that is too tight. Thankfully my husband is already replacing the fridge and I got a hand with the shopping and clean up. All is not lost.
I think there is an appropriate anger with all this and I like to think that God doesn't like it either. It just isn't the way things should be. But as I write I am pricked with the memory of moments when the limitations have brought relief. When I am let off the hook and find others jumping in to help me out. But MS just doesn't fit right, like a pair of jeans that is too tight. Thankfully my husband is already replacing the fridge and I got a hand with the shopping and clean up. All is not lost.
Life with multiple sclerosis - dreams cannot be chained
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