I wish that my prayer life didn't freeze so much when things are difficult. I go into shut down and don't know how to pray. I know that God is caring for me and that I am not alone, but I guess the fear of MS deterioration leaves me frozen. I know in my head that I should cry out but I can hardly face what is going on inside. Thankfully God can hold me even when I cannot hold on myself. An image keeps coming back to me of a postcard sent by my friend and mentor Birdie, who since died of cancer. It is of a clay hand with a small child curled up inside it. I think that maybe that is all I can do, just rest in his hand and let him be in control. His love is not absent in pain and his care is gentle.
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