Sep 29, 2012

Egg-static - Home grown eggs.

How do I love my chickens? Let me count the ways...

Echoes of Autumn

Life is feeling unsettled, with health and work challenges, but I am feeling a strong need to do something creative and to get out of the house. These sunny days and fall colours are calling as I look outside and see the golds and reds backlit by an intense blue sky. They fill me with a longing that is for something more than the here and now, this kind of longing is simultaneously a sweetness and a pang, as it can't be fully met in the here and now. But I hear the whispers of joy and beauty that pull me forward and out, echoing a larger voice both dear and familiar, ringing in my ears.

Sep 23, 2012

Criss Canning

At least I have the consolation of Pintrest as well. I just found this:
and it made me think of home.
Botanical Art - Holiday Sketching: Process of Botanical Painting

Mind the gap.

I find that there is an enourmous gap between my mind's expectation of what I can do and my body's reality. So often this trips me up as I launch into activities that I look forward to, only to be surprised at myself that I can't do it. A group of us had planned for weeks to go to a hay ride this afternoon and I had even invited the neighbours. I made a pie and was in the process of getting ready, when my husband gently asked me if I really thought I was up to it. And then I took notice of how I was feeling, and I realized, as though waking from a dream, that no, I couldn't manage a busy and active evening in the country. Sadly I said goodbye as the carload left, but ah ha, they left the pie. There is some consolation.

Sep 22, 2012

Here we go again.

Just when I was starting to feel like I was getting to grips, the rug was pulled out from under me again today. I forgot how painful this could be, and I am flatout, in bed, too tired to get up and too sore with burning pain to sleep.

I am so thankful for the phone, friends, books, TV, the internet and all forms of distraction. But I am praying for courage as I am in short supply.
"Though the fig tree may not blossom,
Nor fruit be on the vines;

Though the labor of the olive may fail,
And the fields yield no food;
Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,
And there be no herd in the stalls—
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The Lord God is my strength;
He will make my feet like deer’s feet,
And He will make me walk on my high hills."
Habakkuk 3:17-19!/2012/09/sorrow-n.html
One day I will dance again.

Sep 19, 2012

A love/hate relationship with tablets.

7 Things that I hate about taking my medications:
1. It takes a long time to put them into my tablet dispenser.
2. They remind me that I have a lot of medical problems.
3. There are too many tablets.
4. There is a lot to remember and keep track of. Do I need a refill? Will I get it on time?
5. They are small and fiddly and I keep dropping them.
6. They make me dizzy, unfocused and unable to have more than 1 glass of wine.
7. They remind me 4 times a day that I have MS.

5 things I love about my tablets:
1. They suppress my depression.
2. They reduce my pain.
3. They make it manageable to go out in public.
4. They let me sleep at night.
5. They help me survive.

More about the ups and downs of tablet taking:!/2012/09/a-not-so-good-morning-or-you-have-to.html

Sep 17, 2012

Hugh Jackman talking about making connections with friends.

Me and Hugh hanging out.
Hugh Jackman talking about connecting with people. My dad was his godfather, but sadly I don't know him as an adult. Go Hugh.

Sep 16, 2012

Memories of Wentworth Falls

I just found this picture on Wiki and it is the best I have seen of this waterfall which is just 30 minutes walk from my childhood home. When we lived here it was a fairly unknown place, but now sadly there are tour buses that visit daily. Still, not too many make it down here as the walk back up is quite a hike and I still remember the last time that I was able to do it. When life got challenging I would sit on the edge of this cliff with my dog and be reminded of the fact that there was a much greater reality than my problems. God seemed closer here than at church and things seemed clearer as my eye was drawn to the distance without a single human habitation to be seen. It was always beautiful, but my favourite time was when the mist in the valley would lift in whispy columns like smoke. I can still smell the sweet, head-clearing eucalyptus of the gum trees. This was my happy place.

Sep 7, 2012

A not so good morning but I can only laugh..

This morning, from the start did not bode well, when my husband's alarm went off 1 hour before usually getting up. After lying there for 15 minutes, I wrestled myself out of bed and went to get my coffee. Sometimes with MS I find that nothing works until I get my coffee, but today nothing worked even after I had my coffee. The old brain decided that mental fog would be the order of the day and proceeded to derail me at every turn. I have a usual morning medical routine that I need in order to function for the rest of the day. I guess my subconscious decided that I needed a break from all that and it told me that my hair was a mess and I needed a quick trim. Well, that was a laughable experiment as was my hair by the time I gave up. Then the gray cells decided that not just the bathroom sink needed cleaning of hair, but a good chunk of the bathroom as well.

I then saw how late is was and quickly (OK with MS, nothing is 'quickly') got dressed and ate breakfast, by which time I decided I really should fix my glasses as my spare pair were not very nice, and as I was not looking great I needed my good pair. Well, I am not sure why I thought I could pick up one of those little screws, put it in place and screw it in, but I then frustrated myself well and truly by trying to do this myself, and then giving up in a sweat, I went to find someone to help me.

A Chinese girl staying with us fixed it nicely in 5 minutes and then I looked around and decided that I really should do a little rearranging of furniture. If I couldn't fix my appearance I would make something else look better. OK, I couldn't shift the sofa for some silly reason, though I gave it a good try, and I got another unsuspecting person to help me with that. By this time I was thinking that my MS was really acting up today, the brain fog showed no signs of lifting even after a cup of tea, and the tingling in my legs and spasticity were getting particularly bad. Walking back upstairs, I was feeling weak and strange and started to worry that maybe I might be in the beginnings of a relapse. This thought likes to pop in my head uninvited and it took up most of the remaining brain cells that were still firing. Worry is particularly tiring and I went to put my feet up on my bed to give it my full attention.

And that was when it struck me as I looked at my pill box. I forgot to TAKE MY TABLETS! It is amazing what a 3 hour delay to my regular pill popping can do to me. I think it may be time to start the day over, now that they are starting to work.

Post Script: After a litany of further messes and miss steps I think a good sleep and a fresh start is in order.

Imaptience and forgetfulness:!/2012/08/patience.html

Overwhelming days:!/2012/01/at-moment-i-am-finding-lifepretty.html

My hen and a bunny meet in the backyard

Sep 6, 2012

High Tea with our guests on our deck.

My garden gives me happiness and peace of mind.

The weight of reality

Sometimes the experience of having my heart strung between the two realities of great joy and great sorrow leads to a pain that is visceral. I think that this may be inevitable when attempting to live with an open heart, as life is full of such extremes. There is physical pain as well as the pain of loss, broken relationships, so many things that I can't even list them all. There are also the joys of love, beauty, friendship and the list goes on....  All these things literally feel like hooks that have sunk in deeply, pulling this way and that, leaving me both feeling full, present and engaged as well as broken, crumpled and aching. I would not have it any other way, as this is what the essence of life is like. A guarded heart is one that does not taste the fullness of joy and beauty and is numb and senseless. I would rather feel alive but I also wish that the weight of reality was not so heavy. Thankfully the Lord promises to bind my heart and right now I think that that is what I need.

Sep 4, 2012

Life is not always roses.

1. Mental suffering or pain caused by injury, loss, or despair. See Synonyms at regret.
2. A source or cause of sorrow; a misfortune.
3. Expression of sorrow; grieving.
intr.v. sor·rowed, sor·row·ing, sor·rows
To feel or express sorrow. See Synonyms at grieve.

Bleeding Heart
My soul melts away for sorrow; strengthen me according to your word! Pslm 118

Sep 3, 2012

Home with my husband.

My husband and I visiting where we got married.
“Home wasn't a set house, or a single town on a map. It was wherever the people who loved you were, whenever you were together. Not a place, but a moment, and then another, building on each other like bricks to create a solid shelter that you take with you for your entire life, wherever you may go.”
Sarah Dessen, What Happened to Goodbye!/2012/11/proposal.html

Sep 2, 2012

Where is home, here or Australia?

This is a portrait of home. Against the mirror is a picture of me in Sydney. This is where I grew up and feels like home. The place where I live also feels like home though.

Sep 1, 2012

When I went out one day...

When I was 21, I had an overwhelming desire to get away from my job and to go and see the world. Even though I was nervous about taking off  by myself, I bought a round the world ticket with unlimited stopovers and got on a plane for India.  My story is a little like the novel, Eat, pray, love as I found more than I was looking for; a meaningful relationship with God, and a meangful relationship with a South African husband I met iin Switzerland, and a meaningful job that has taken me around the world. It was the beginning of a life long adventure.  But now that I am 50 and on the other side of the planet from home, I wonder how I will make it back.

Giant Puffball

Here is another fungi discovery. At least 6 of these sprung up in the woods the other day. They are edible when young but they don't taste like much. The common name is giant puffball. Here is more info on it if you are interested:
Other fungi in our woods:!/2012/08/i-found-this-in-woods-today.html