Mar 30, 2013

Edith Schaeffer Nov. 3 1914 - March 30 2013

My friend and spiritual mentor has died this morning.
Edith Schaeffer
Nov. 3 1914 - March 30 2013.
Enjoying tea beside Lake Geneva when neither of us could dance anymore.
This dear lady taught me so very much about meaning, life, faith and hope. My debt to her is inexpressible and my comfort is knowing that she is dancing in the courts of heaven. One day I will get to dance again with her too.
After watching her dance at her 90th birthday party in our home along with Dorothy.

Mar 15, 2013

MS Awareness week and I am having a relapse!

Argh, this stupid disease has got me it it's vice grip, this is the worse relapse I have had in years. I am in limbo, waiting for my appointment, trying to decide whether to succumb to the nasty treatment of steroids and wondering how bad this will get. I feel so powerless in this moment. I have to rest and I find it so boring and I just end up worrying. I wish I could report that I was calm and confident, unwavering and all of that, but I am not.

I started out with denial, finding all sort of excuses for the weird things my body was doing and then I started to worry about other things, like my mothers health, responsibilities, even trivial things. I was wondering why I was lying awake so worried. Then I had the big DUH realization.....

that I was really worried about my MS.

Yep, it is getting worse every day and I am wondering when this process is going to stop. Today it hit my legs and I can only shuffle. Reds and greens have also faded and my left eye is sore and blurry. I have tingling in the legs and they are randomly kicking like they are receiving electric shocks. And all I feel like doing in sleeping.

DAMN this disease. It sneaks up and robs me of my quality of life without warning. Now I am dreading the tests, appointments, the uncertainty, having to figure out what to do about rearranging my life. I do not want to deal with this but I have no choice.

Right now I need to vent and that is how I am dealing with it in this moment. Sorry about that, and hopefully I will also have better moments, but right now I do not. I will not convey the words in my head but you can imagine. Enough said.

Finally am getting stronger and am able to do more. I had a tough time with doctors as my great neurologist was away on sick leave. This always makes a difficult time worse. Thankfully the people staying with us jumped in to help with cooking and cleaning and so I was able to rest. I have so much to be thankful for but this disease does make life particularlydifficult at times .

Mar 12, 2013

Homemade Spring

My short term solution to an everlasting winter
I have made a small taste of Spring in my kitchen, with green grass, rosemary and seeds ready to plant.

Mar 8, 2013

Longing for Spring

the chicken coop
The clocks are springing forward this weekend and I am longing for Spring to come. Here in Minnesota it takes a long time - all this snow needs to melt and the days are barely above freezing. I am getting impatient and I bought some seeds today and am drooling over plant catalogues, even though the last frost is in May. I am a frustrated gardener but I am also longing for the plants in the woods to green out and for the morel mushrooms to grow and the birds to return. The chickens want out but not on snow. My Buff Orpington is broody and wants to hatch chicks. It does feel like everything is groaning and I am adding my guttural moan along with creation. Hope springs eternal, and I am waiting with longing heart for Springs return, along with the birds.

Mar 1, 2013

Missing my dog

 I am missing my dogs very badly this morning. My Maddy died 1.5 years ago and her mother Bella 4 years ago. They were so beautiful and filled our lives for 18 years all told. They loved me, made me laugh and entertained me each and every day. I don't want just another dog, I want my dogs. Thank you my dear lovely creatures for filling my days with joy, I miss you xox.