Nov 24, 2012

Seasons change.

Winter has just blown in with gale force winds spreading mayhem and sending the creatures that had, until yesterday been basking in the sun, scuttling for cover. We knew that this late warmth was not normal, shouldn’t have been like this, yet when we were reminded of what “things should have been like”, with one fell swoop we are left in shock, huddling for warmth and feeling that it just isn’t right.  We know intellectually that we are not being reasonable, that the warmth was the unusual experience in November in Minnesota, but emotionally the abrupt change in just a few hours from the relaxing, comfortable sunshine to how this technically should be, is a grating lurch.

This reminds me of the bigger picture where the difference in our innate sense of how things in a perfect world should be grates up against how things actually are. The shaking of our sense of “Rightness” with the actuality of life is something we can never escape this side of heaven. We have in us this awareness of what things should be like: Peace, love, happiness, this is what we long for, yet like the cold gale we are frequently hit by how things actually are. But I am so thankful that I can keep on hoping for the better, despite this chill, as I know that one day it will pass, one day all the things that are “not the way things should be” will be swept away, and the good will sweep in again. I am so glad that  on some longed for day they will stay for good, wiping away the memory of all that we have suffered in the joy of all that is to come; all will indeed be right again.

Nov 23, 2012

To love at all is to be vulnerable - C.S.Lewis

"There is no safe investment, for to love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change… It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is hell. I believe that the most lawless and inordinate loves are less… [destructive] than a self-invited and self-protective lovelessness… We shall draw nearer to [what we seek], not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them… throwing away all defensive armour. If our hearts need to be broken, and… this is [the] way in which they should break, so be it. What I know about love and believe about love and giving one’s heart began in this."
C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Nov 11, 2012


My husband proposed to me here

This is at Swiss L'Abri, the christian community where I met my husband. He is from South Africa, I am from Australia and we met in Switzerland. We have also lived in England and Canada and now live in the US. I guess my husband know what he was talking about when he said that life with him would not be boring. We are now nearing out 27th Anniversary and I have no regrets about saying yes 27 years ago on this bench.
Here is a picture of us together in Australia last year:!/2012/09/home-wasnt-set-house-or-single-town-on.html
It is all about love:!/2012/11/to-love-at-all-is-to-be-vulnerable.html

Nov 4, 2012

Moment by moment living.

I am so glad that we only get one day at a time; the challenge of getting through each one is enough to deal with, and I find that I look ahead in my diary as little as possible. We do not know the future for certain anyway, as we can see on TV, where those living on the East coast in the aftermath of Sandy are cold, hungry and disoriented. Plans have been wrenched away by the reality of surviving each day in a place where a very high standard of living was enjoyed days before. Not that I want to sound all gloomy, but I just find that the 24 hours a day are enough to deal with, and I am thankful that they only come a second at a time and 8 of those hours are spent in sleep.

We all have limitations, whether we are healthy or not, and that is how God meant for things to be.  Self-sufficiency feels like a badge of honor, and that is legitimate up to a point. I enjoy my capabilities; the satisfaction of doing something for myself without assistance is perfectly natural and good. But it can go too far when asking for help makes us cringe in shame, and feel like a failure. I had to learn the hard way that this in reality was pushing people away and a denial of the simple fact that we are not able to live without interdependent relationships, and reliance on a God that has power over things which we do not. My pride sets myself up as my hope and for a time this seems to work, but I always trip, one way or another, and instead of blaming others or my circumstances, like a child I have the choice to hold up my hand like and say, “help Daddy”. Our heavenly father, like any good human father has a heart that wells with pleasure at the simplicity of this instinctive trust and reliance. So today Sunday, as I lie in bed unable to get up and dressed for the day, my prayer is “Up Daddy”. Amen.

The weight of reality. Sandy Hook.