Jul 31, 2012

How we see ourselves

I would add that how God sees me is even more important. He sees the real person, not the broken shell. His love and acceptance to me is priceless.

Jul 29, 2012

Chickens first egg

Egg-citing news. My first egg from my chickens. Lizzy laid an egg on exactly her 5 month birthday. She loves to be patted and sits on my lap while I stroke her. She is a great bird.

Jul 25, 2012

Margaret Olley

Margaret Olley

A lovely show about one of my favourite Australian artists. Her work is so alive.The show about her left me in awe with her dedication to her work. She painted up until the day she died at 88 and was prolific. Her energy comes through in each painting both with her brush strokes and her use of colour. I particularly like the colours she uses and would love to paint my house in those colours. I think it may drive my husband crazy if I let my house become as cluttered as hers, but I suspect that if I was left to my own devices that it may approach something like her home. I love to collect lovely things from nature at some point my husband asked if I could throw some things out before I brought more things in. I also collect blue china and have it hanging in my kitchen and on display in the cabinet and dining room. Plants and flowers fill the house as well, and I currently have a passion for orchids, though I am not good at keeping them alive.

Jul 21, 2012

Refreshing rain

Rain at last, along with cooler temperatures. To feel better after crying so much yesterday, I went out and enjoyed my garden, the chickens and the woods. Chicken manure is great for the garden and I mixed it in with grass clippings and mulch from the leaf pile and spread it on parts of the garden that need a good feed. This rain is so gentle and kind, everything is perking up nicely including me. The birds are chirping away and the flowers look brighter. I read these words  2 days ago;"May my teaching drop as the rain, my speach distill as the dew, like gentle rain upon the tender grass, and like showers upon the herb". Deut 32:2 and "For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth: it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it." Isa 55:10,11. It goes on to talk of joy and trees clapping their hands. The word of the Lord is indeed a comfort and these words seemed so fitting for the day.
P.S. The heat is back as it is for most of the midwest. Am praying for rain for all.


the banquetting table of the Lamb, how I imagine it, but it will be filled with people and be way longer.

Jul 20, 2012

My teacher, mentor and friend is dying at the age of 97. While she felt strongly that death was the enemy, she equally felt strongly about where she was headed. When staying with us she would talk of dreaming about the marraige supper of the Lamb, and I know that she will be soon tasting it's fruits and reaping her reward for her strong and tangible faith. In many ways given her health, for her it will be a mercy. But today I feel surprised by how I feel like I have been knocked down. I have so much I need to do, but I was constantly distracted and even disoriented. I sat down and turned to the bible for calm and focus, and I realized quickly that I had been struck by real and heart breaking grief. Her death will be for me the end of a significant chapter in my life. She has shown me so much, both in her teaching and in her life. Her compassion, love, intelligence, playful spirit and ability to surprise, all make my heart well as I write these words down. She was very real, hardly perfect, but when she prayed it felt like Jesus was in the room. She loved beauty, intelligent conversation, she didn't put up with B.S., and she liked to look her best.

I am praying for you my friend, the ripples you sent out have bourne so much fruit. May you feel God's loving presence and find rest in all the hope you know to be true. I honour and love you.

Jul 18, 2012

Self portrait

I just created this picture, it isn't great but it expresses something of how I feel about living with MS. My feet and wrist are chained down by the weight of MS, the way it stops them moving and functioning the way they should. But my head and my heart are not chained, there is light and longing and ultimately hope. The end of my life is not the end of the story and one day I believe I will run in a free manner again. "No more pain or sorrow". That seed of freedom still lives in my heart.
My friend and mentor lifted me up today. She is the person I most respect and today she told me that she loves and honours me. So humbling and I am so grateful for all I still have. I know that there are many who are more alone. My church has been my lifeline and I am so thankful for it.

Jul 13, 2012

My chickens resting with me on the deck

My Garden

My garden.
I have thyme lining the stairs and my cherry tomatoes are ripening.

Peace at last. I finally have some mental and physical space, I have enjoyed a week to myself without work demands. There is nothing like this for me to re-group and find my equilibrium. I have been enjoying my friendships again with lots of tea and visits on my lovely deck. My pastor's wife even took me grocery shopping, the one big thing I struggle with. The weather has finally cooled down and I am feeling more sane. The Lord is gracious, even though there is much uncertainty, He is my rock. The beauty of nature around me reminds me of his presence in a tangible way, there are so many birds visiting my birdbath; a red breasted grosbeak, an indigo bunting, and a cardinal bathing in my sprinkler were the highlights. The chickens are looking very grown up and are so lovely. Hopefully I will have eggs soon. Looking up and out are always helpful activities for me. There is so much to enjoy.