Jul 28, 2013

Life with breast cancer

The surgery is over and thankfully they got all the cancer as it hadn't spread. I am now recovering in my own bed and being taken care of by my dear husband and friends. The drugs are making me dizzy and tired and it is good to just take time doing not very much. I have a steep learning curve with breast cancer, there is so much to take in; stages, grades, in situ, the treatments etc. I have been given a large team and lots of information, so no I am processing in all. This takes time as there is not only the cognitive learning, but also the emotional processing. This has to take it's natural course and cannot be forced or avoided, however much I would like to give that a miss. The roller coaster is natural and I am trying to go along for the ride.
The muffled rumblings reach out tendrils from my soul. The words have yet to form, they are preceded by a yearning, an ache, a fear that has not crystallized in the cotton wool that is my brain. 

Denial only lasts so long.

Breast C A N C E R.

The biggest help in all this world of uncertainty is all the love and prayer I have received, it is humbling and heart warming to not feel alone and to know that I am loved. My husband has been right by my side and friends and neighbors have brought food and are praying. I don't know how I would manage without their support and it is a privilege as I know that there are many who go through this alone. There is much to be thankful for and it is interesting how this seems so evident when  things are also so hard. Goodness is brought into relief by the shadows, darkness shows up how bright light is, like the contrast setting being set on high.

Jul 24, 2013

I am sitting at the clinic, between appointments. The Mayo has such an organized breast cancer set up, so different from the multiple sclerosis department. I have been assigned a team with an oncologist, surgeon, radiologist, nurse practitioner, nurse and probably others I have forgotten. They are all in communication which is great. I was sent home with a book, folder, lots of pamphlets and I am over saturated with information. This has been overwhelming but it is good to know that my prognosis is fantastic and I will get through this. They are being thorough for which I am glad but there are many complicated aspects to the treatment and this will last for 5 years. I am disappointed to have to take tamoxifen but I need it so will do what it takes.

I had little margin for more medical problems and this has been eaten up and then some. I have little patience and am overwhelmed by everything that is happening to me. I have a clip in me and now they are putting in a radiation pearl to prepare for the op.

Sitting here in the foyer I see people passing with obvious health difficulties and I know that they are  all dealing with very hard things too. The worst is the sick children, it is so heartbreaking to see them.  
At least we have excellent care and this is such a privilege. I can't believe that I get to live just 10 minutes away as most of these people have travelled across the country or round the world. Thereis much  to be thankful for even while grieving the things that are so hard. Life is like being stretched like a rubber band, both good and evil at work on me and pulling at my head, heart and body. I do not feel sufficient, but The Lord is my sufficiency and I will rest in him

John 16:33 

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Jul 11, 2013

More medical problems.....

Having MS does not make you immune from other medical problems, but it was a comfort when my doctor agreed with me that I get more than my fair share. What this time? Breast cancer, the most innactive kind, but it is still a blow and it means more medical interventions which are getting very tiresome. I am learning all about DCIS  and am thankful that it doesn't look like I will need a mastectomy. I was encouraged by this passage this morning;

Psalm 37:23-24

The Lord makes firm the steps

    of the one who delights in him;
though he may stumble, he will not fall,
    for the Lord upholds him with his hand.