After losing another degree of my physical health, and being reminded that this will in fact keep happening, I find that I am being knocked down emotionally - again. This feels like pure grief, as though I have lost a friend to death. I have been trying figure out why I feel this way as I no longer seem to be able to just get on with things. Usually I can be strong and mostly upbeat, but the rug has been pulled out from under me and it seems like all the gains of the last few years have gone and here I am again. I am angry too, really angry, I don't like this one bit! I realize though that I am not crazy, my physical ability is my friend and I really did lose a chunk of it.
Not only that but I have lost a chunk of dignity as well, as bowel and bladder issues are resulting in feeling like an old lady. The medical tests are pretty appalling too not to mention appointments nearly every day for weeks. I want to just curl up for a while and cry, get mad and eat chocolate. Let me just get on with this grieving for a while, after all, a part of me just died.