Oct 4, 2013

Fallen Ego

I am resting in bed after falling at the clinic in a very public way. As I went down I looked up hoping that no one was watching. It took just a split second before quickly looking at the ground and trying in vain to not hit hard and sprawl on the shiny hard floor. Ah my ego and vanity, obviously they are more important to me than my physical well being. The next thing I knew I was surrounded by hospital employees, lifting me up and getting me a wheel chair, with a crowd of faces checking to see if I was OK. I just wanted to hide in embarrassment but eventually I regrouped enough in order to thank those who were helping so kindly.

Ah, the humiliation I feel when my weaknesses are exposed. Even recounting this experience is making me want to cry. MS and the helplessness it can induce are hard pills to swallow. I feel sure that it would not be quite so hard though if I understood more fully the fact that my value and worth are not only tied to my abilities but are tied primarily to my intrinsic value as a person. I am worthwhile because I am made in the image of God, and I should be more concerned with bringing Him glory than trying to build up my own. My worth is in being His child and His love is all the honour I need. My weakness due to having MS and radiation for cancer is nothing to be ashamed of, I am crazy for letting it make me feel that was.

I AM DONE. Ringing the bell of radiation completion!